Pulitzer Putsch as Vampires Force Judges to Reissue Winners Lists- The Alternative Peoples Pulitzers

In a moment of profound crisis for the Litterarti, Pulitzer Judges have been forced at Tooth-Point to reissue the 2009 Pulitzer Prize Literary Winners lists after being Vampjacked by Vox Populi Vampires For Literature Reading Group (VPVLRG) and other interest groups.

Spokes Vampire, Edward Cullen, said " It is blindingly obvious that the People of World, apart from truly wanting to have an affair with a Vampire, are sick of high-brow literary awards decided by Secret Societies behind closed doors. The 2009 Pulitzer winners and finalists are so far removed from popular culture as to be insulting to the common intelligence".

"Stephanie Meyer is the only relevant writer for today's lost youth, distraught womankind and the wider populace. However, we feel that we have been even-handed, particularly with acknowledgement of the Puppy Dog and Romantic sectors in our winners lists."

The VPVLRG have apparently formed an alliance with other "populist" groups who believe that all Literary Awards should be done away with in favour of Best Sellers Lists. With the exception of " I Love My Puppy Book" Club, New Agers for a Really New Age and the Vogon Poetry Appreciation Society, no-one else has yet gone public. The Foolish Romantics in Favour of Marrying for Fourth Time Readers Club, and The Bankers Revisionist Group for Redefining Responsibility have refused to comment at this stage.

The Judges, who were last seen heading off towards a dark cave in a blind panic as the sun set, said that there was far too much at Stake for them to refuse the not unreasonable demands of the Vampires.

For posterity the original winners list is issued below for those still clinging to any notion of any intellectual merit as being a fundamental component of Literary Awards. The freshly issued winners list, regrettably still slightly blood stained, has been nailed to the door of the City Cathedral -results below.

Must fly.

2009 Original Pulitzer Prize Winners

Fiction

For distinguished fiction by an American author, preferably dealing with American life, Ten thousand dollars ($10,000).

Awarded to Olive Kitteridge: Fiction , by Elizabeth Strout (Random House), a collection of 13 short stories set in small-town Maine that packs a cumulative emotional wallop, bound together by polished prose and by Olive, the title character, blunt, flawed and fascinating.

Finalists

Also nominated as finalists in this category were: The Plague of Doves: A Novel by Louise Erdrich (HarperCollins), a haunting novel that explores racial discord, loss of land and changing fortunes in a corner of North Dakota where Native Americans and whites share a tangled history; and All Souls by Christine Schutt (Harcourt), a memorable novel that focuses on the senior class at an exclusive all-girl Manhattan prep school where a beloved student battles a rare cancer, fiercely honest, carefully observed and subtly rendered.

Biography or Autobiography

For a distinguished and appropriately documented biography or autobiography by an American author, Ten thousand dollars ($10,000).

Awarded to American Lion: Andrew Jackson in the White House , by Jon Meacham (Random House), an unflinching portrait of a not always admirable democrat but a pivotal president, written with an agile prose that brings the Jackson saga to life.

Finalists

Also nominated as finalists in this category were: Traitor to His Class: The Privileged Life and Radical Presidency of Franklin Delano Roosevelt , by H.W. Brands (Doubleday), a richly textured and highly readable exploration of the inner Roosevelt, presented with analytical acuity and flashes of originality; and
The Bin Ladens: An Arabian Family in the American Century , by Steve Coll (The Penguin Press), an epic tale extending far beyond Osama Bin Laden and the calamity of 9/11, rooted in meticulous research and written with an urgency, clarity and flair that entertains as easily as it educates.

General Nonfiction

For a distinguished and appropriately documented book of nonfiction by an American author that is not eligible for consideration in any other category, Ten thousand dollars ($10,000).

Awarded to Slavery by Another Name: The Re-Enslavement of Black Americans from the Civil War to World War II , by Douglas A. Blackmon (Doubleday), a precise and eloquent work that examines a deliberate system of racial suppression and that rescues a multitude of atrocities from virtual obscurity.

Finalists

Also nominated as finalists in this category were: Gandhi & Churchill: The Epic Rivalry that Destroyed an Empire and Forged Our Age , by Arthur Herman (Bantam Books), an authoritative, deeply researched book that achieves an extraordinary balance in weighing two mighty protagonists against each other; and The Bitter Road to Freedom: A New History of the Liberation of Europe , by William I. Hitchcock (Free Press), a heavily documented exploration of the overlooked suffering of noncombatants in the victory over Nazi Germany, written with the dash of a novelist and the authority of a scholar.

History

For a distinguished and appropriately documented book on the history of the United States, Ten thousand dollars ($10,000).

Awarded to The Hemingses of Monticello: An American Family , by Annette Gordon-Reed (W.W. Norton & Company), a painstaking exploration of a sprawling multi-generation slave family that casts provocative new light on the relationship between Sally Hemings and her master, Thomas Jefferson.

Finalists

Also nominated as finalists in this category were: This Republic of Suffering: Death and the American Civil War (Vintage Civil War Library) , by Drew Gilpin Faust (Alfred A. Knopf), a deeply researched, gracefully written examination of how a divided nation struggled to comprehend the meaning and practical consequences of unprecedented human carnage; and The Liberal Hour: Washington and the Politics of Change in the 1960s , by G. Calvin Mackenzie and Robert Weisbrot (The Penguin Press), an elegantly written account of a brief period in American history that left a profoundly altered national landscape.

Poetry

For a distinguished volume of original verse by an American author, Ten thousand dollars ($10,000).

Awarded to The Shadow of Sirius , by W. S. Merwin (Copper Canyon Press), a collection of luminous, often tender poems that focus on the profound power of memory.

Finalists

"Also nominated as finalists in this category were: Watching the Spring Festival: Poems , by Frank Bidart (Farrar, Straus and Giroux), a book of lyric poems that evinces compassion for the human condition as it explores the constraints that limit the possibility of people changing the course of their lives; and What Love Comes To: New & Selected Poems, by Ruth Stone (Copper Canyon Press), a collection of poems that give rich drama to ordinary experience, deepening our sense of what it means to be human.

Reissued Lists as urged by Vox Populi Vampires For Literature Reading Group (VPVLRG) and Allies

Fiction Winner
Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, Book 4)

Finalists
Eclipse (The Twilight Saga, Book 3)
New Moon (The Twilight Saga, Book 2)

Biography or Autobiography Winner
Rescuing Sprite: A Dog Lover's Story of Joy and Anguish

Finalists

Diary of a Redneck Vampire: The True Story of a Rock and Roll Girl in a Boy's World
My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

General Nonfiction Winner

Vampires Today: The Truth about Modern Vampirism

Finalists

Vampires in Their Own Words: An Anthology of Vampire Voices
Vampire Legends in Contemporary American Culture: What Becomes a Legend Most

History Winner
Vlad the Impaler: The Real Count Dracula (Wicked History)

Finalists

Dogs: History, Myth, Art

The New Pyramid Age: Worldwide Discoveries of New Pyramids Challenge Our Thinking

Poetry Winner
A Vampires book of poems

Finalists

Dog Poems
Love Poems (New Directions Paperbook)

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